Pets... and their relationship to people

fillmore nyc · Post by **fillmore nyc** » Sun Apr 06, 2008 9:36 am

This seemed to answer a lot of questions:

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
____________________________________________________

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

Country Boy Shane · Post by **Country Boy Shane** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:31 am

This is so damn true. I love my fiancee to death, but the point about the hair is dead on!

I'll admit I'm a pain in the ass too. Sometimes "selective hearing" gets the best of me when I'm enjoying hobbies.

fillmore nyc · Post by **fillmore nyc** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:37 am

Country Boy Shane wrote: Sometimes "selective hearing" gets the best of me when I'm enjoying hobbies.

Sometimes that same selective hearing gets the best of me just by hearing her voice with "THAT TONE" in it!!
(that tone being the one where you just know its NOT "oh honey, I love you", or "ya wanna go upstairs"??(

)~~~ its "something" else...

)

Country Boy Shane · Post by **Country Boy Shane** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 3:26 pm

YES! The one that gets me is, "Oh baby? I went and got just a little bit of groceries. Can you get them out of my car?"

Then it ends up there are 15 bags of groceries!!!

fillmore nyc · Post by **fillmore nyc** » Mon Apr 07, 2008 10:06 pm

Country Boy Shane wrote:YES! The one that gets me is, "Oh baby? I went and got just a little bit of groceries. Can you get them out of my car?"

Then it ends up there are 15 bags of groceries!!!

DUDE!!! I friggin' HATE that shit. And she does it all the time.

(Its not as bad now compared to how it used to be when we lived Manhattan... on the 11th floor. Food shopping was a 3 times a week occurance, cause there was no way to get a full weeks worth of groceries from the grocery store to the building, and then up the elevator without SOMETHING going wrong!!)

Country Boy Shane · Post by **Country Boy Shane** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 1:47 pm

Good man-venting session we're having here.

I remember my lady finding out how men vent about their lady problems and her being shocked saying, "But I don't complain about you to my friends!!!"

Then I said, "Well you should because it's probably bottling up.. and you know I'm a pain in the ass!! I don't want you coming to my job with a gun!"

NY Chief · Post by **NY Chief** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:55 am

Country Boy Shane wrote:YES! The one that gets me is, "Oh baby? I went and got just a little bit of groceries. Can you get them out of my car?"

Then it ends up there are 15 bags of groceries!!!

Oh man, my Mom used to do that to me all the time. "Honey,can you take me to the grocery store quick? I only need a "few" things" Hours later asI was waiting in the car....

tonejones · Post by **tonejones** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:52 pm

Man, I can now haul in about 10+ plastic bags of groceries from Krogers (gallons of milk, 2 liters, uname-it) using only my left hand and still have the right to open the door and fend off the dog with!!!!

fillmore nyc · Post by **fillmore nyc** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:31 pm

tonejones wrote:Man, I can now haul in about 10+ plastic bags of groceries from Krogers (gallons of milk, 2 liters, uname-it) using only my left hand and still have the right to open the door and fend off the dog with!!!!

If you can do that while your car is double parked, wait for the elevator to come down, then ride it up 11 floors, control 3 dogs enough to put the shit inside, come back down, move the car (without NY's Stealthiest giving you a ticket, or towing your car), and NOT have a broken back in the process... you're a much better man than I, my friend!!!

/

NY Chief · Post by **NY Chief** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:39 pm

ahhhh...

"when I was young I had to walk 3 miles to school, in the snow, holes in my shoes, uphill...BOTH ways..."

"YOU HAD SHOES?"

"YOU HAD FEET???"

Monty Python IIRC...

fillmore nyc · Post by **fillmore nyc** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:15 am

NY Chief wrote:ahhhh...

"when I was young I had to walk 3 miles to school, in the snow, holes in my shoes, uphill...BOTH ways..."

Only 3 miles??? Thats how far I hadda walk just to get past the fields of poison ivy, the serial killa's and the starving mountain lions!!

fillmore nyc · Post by **fillmore nyc** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:21 am

Country Boy Shane wrote:Good man-venting session we're having here.

I remember my lady finding out how men vent about their lady problems and her being shocked saying, "But I don't complain about you to my friends!!!"

Did you ever see that bit that Dice Clay does about this?
She doesnt tell you what you're doing thats bothering her... but she DOES tell her hairdresser, the cabbie, the guy at the news stand, the neighbor across the street (the one you F#&KING hate), the landscaper...
YOU find out what the problem is when you snag her banging the UPS guy.

/

Country Boy Shane · Post by **Country Boy Shane** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 11:55 am

I think I do remember that one.. ha ha. The "Dice Man".... now performing at Indian casino's now..