TRUE STORIES, FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE USA

Bad Kitty · Post by **Bad Kitty** » Sun Apr 30, 2006 5:55 am

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE?----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no shit; Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

5150loveeddie · Post by **5150loveeddie** » Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:08 pm

Completly crazy

mightymike · Post by **mightymike** » Mon May 01, 2006 1:23 pm

An obese woman noticed a strange foul odor comming from "down there"

When she went to the doctor, they found a rotten moldy and black ham sandwhich, that had become stuck between the the flabs of fat rolls.
It had been there for a while to get that funky. Maybe a month

Jim SS · Post by **Jim SS** » Thu May 04, 2006 12:35 am

I'm a physician in KC and have plenty of stories that seem to make me want to loose my faith in humanity.

I had a guy recently that somehow managed to insert a ball with about a 6 inch diameter into his rectum. He ended up loosing about a foot of colon and bought himself a diverting colostomy. For some reason this seems to be a real common theme. It seems that people will ingest anything and stick everything else into their ass.

Had a gal who decided to commit suicide and drank draino. Didn't kill her and now essentially has a straight pipe from mouth to anus.

Had another gal who came into the ER about every 2 weeks after ingesting batteries. She too ended up loosing part of her colon.

Etc., etc., etc..

- Jim