Just Don't Do It/Getting back on track....

tonejones · Post by **tonejones** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 2:28 am

Hey all,

I've been away from the board for about a week now because of some very bumming events.....

This past Monday morning my Brother-in-law comitted suicide.

35 yrs. old, divorced for about 2 years, father of two (ages 11 & 13), and recently unemployed....he withdrew his IRA from the bank, came home (living with his mom again since the divorce), wrote a couple notes to loved ones, and stuck a .25 caliber between his ribs and pulled the trigger.

His mom came home for lunch at 12:30 and found him in his bedroom.

This is still a huge mystery to us all (and probably will remain so).

He was the kind of guy that if your car broke down, he would come out and tow you home, and then pull out the tool box & get under the hood (meanwhile not asking for anything in return).

Layed back, easy going, and would talk your head off for hours at a time without being bothersome (while actually saying very little in the process). I guess I need to take him off of our cell phone plan now.....

....but then you couldn't get him to talk at all about what was going on inside himself, ever....... (bottled everything up, I'm sure in hindsight)....

I know at least once just about everybody has had the thought of suicide run through their mind........if you do and it lasts for more than a nanosecond......GET HELP FAST!!!!!!

I know many commit suicide thinking everybody would be better off if they weren't around.......this could not be further from the truth (which I thought was rather common knowledge throughout the human race, but apparently not)........

So please.....if you're thinking about it.......GET HELP!!!!!

If not for yourself, for your kids, your parents, your spouse, Aunt Doris, Uncle Elmo, etc......

Believe me, they won't be better off, just much much more depressed, alone, and sad that true darkness & dispair beyond mortal discernment embraced you with such apparent ferver that ending your own life was the only way you saw out (and no way out for us left behind, we just have to go on and try to deal with and understand your ignorant shit)!!!!!

MacGaden · Post by **MacGaden** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 3:51 am

Hi Tone:

I

St August · Post by **St August** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 8:28 am

TJ

Sorry to hear about the past events.
Please pass on my best wishes to your family..

JimiJames · Post by **JimiJames** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 9:18 am

Sad news...Sorry to hear...

A very close friend of mine drank himself to death last month. Different type of suicide I guess. From depression. He was a decorated ex-cop. 57years old.

He made me laugh.... I'll miss him.

JJ

JD · Post by JD » Sun Dec 03, 2006 1:26 pm

Very sad, my condolences.

Bad Kitty · Post by **Bad Kitty** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 9:13 pm

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Mike

Guitar Adjuster · Post by **Guitar Adjuster** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:06 pm

Sorry for your loss, it's a horrible time with the holiday approaching. This happend to a very close friend of mine back in 1986 very similar to your brother-in-law.

Allen

saborthw · Post by **saborthw** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 10:19 pm

I am sorry to hear about your loss, I will pray for your family and the children who are left behind.

Scott

tonejones · Post by **tonejones** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 3:14 am

Thanks everyone,

I think his kids are taking it about as well as can be expected. I just can't imagine growing up remembering the monday after thanksgiving every years as the day dad took his own life......

My wife is who I'm concerned about the most. She's doing OK, but man, all I can do is be there for her when she needs me when I feel like I should be doing more.

As a child playing house, she would make him be the baby and carry him around (grown he was 6'2", 135 lbs.).

He was only 2 years older than my wife, so losing her second brother was a huge shock (her other brother died in an auto accident when she was 15, a profoundly life-changing event for the whole family). There were four kids in her family total: 2 boys, 2 girls...now it's only her and her sister (and her sister has admitted to making an attempt before).

I'm not worried about my wife trying it, she's the most level-headed person I've ever met in my life (aka more common sense than most 12 people combined), an old soul if you will.

Thanks once again for all of the heart-felt condolences, they are appreciated.

If there's one thing I've taken from this it's to spend more time with your family.....because you really don't know how much time you have.

cole · Post by **cole** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 7:50 am

tonejones,

I'm very sorry to hear this news. I will pray for you and your family.

I can't imagine how to come to terms with such a senseless loss, only to just spend time and talk with each other and try to begin the healing process.

Cole

mightymike · Post by **mightymike** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:47 am

Hey Tone Jones,
My condolences to you and your family. Man this must be hard on those kids. I can't imagine the loss they must feel.

It's really senseless that someone who was so helpful to others would commit suicide. It goes against everything I thought I knew about human nature, and the healing effect of helping others.

NY Chief · Post by **NY Chief** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 12:51 pm

Sorry, Man. Hang tough for the family.

NitroLiq · Post by **NitroLiq** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 1:07 pm

tonejones wrote:all I can do is be there for her when she needs me when I feel like I should be doing more.

Sometimes, that's enough

OnTheFritz · Post by **OnTheFritz** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 1:48 pm

Really sorry to hear about this.

marT · Post by **marT** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:17 pm

I am so sorry for your loss, these kinds of things are always hard to hear.

I had a good friend in highschool and we had a falling out in the last couple of years there and I never talked to him again after that. I heard later that he finally came out about being gay (everyone knew it to be true) and went back to queensland. A couple of years ago he committed suicide. This was hard for me because we ended a friendship because of my stupidity and he will never know that I am sorry about that. It is was even harder for my now girlfriend who was friends with him for longer than I.

Sometimes people are just going through a lot of stuff on the inside that no one knows about. I myself for example have a pretty bad anxiety disorder that occasionally rears its ugly head. I can be fine for months, doing gigs and everything and then the smallest thing can trigger a panic attack that sends my thoughts all over the place, it can take days or weeks for me to truly become myself again without worrying about everything. At these times I have had thoughts of suicide, because its just so painful but I battle through it because I know I will get better in the end. My point is no one really knows about my problem apart from my close family and girlfriend because I find it embarrassing and I feel none of my friends would truly understand. Unfortunately sometimes people are going through some painful stuff on the inside even though they seem fine on the outside.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your loss and I am sure your wife appreciates all the support you are giving her.