A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy
when he notices his friend is very well endowed.
"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.
"I wasn't always this impressive,
I had to work for it."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked.
"Well, every day for the past two years
I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter.
I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4
inches!
You should try it."
Jim agrees and the two say good bye.
A few months later the two are in the same locker room
and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.
Jim replied, "I did what you said,
Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller!
I lost two inches already!"
"Did you do everything I told you?
An hour each day with butter?"
"Well, I was out of butter,
so I've been using Crisco."
Wait for it...
Wait...
"Crisco!!?"
Bob exclaimed.
"Damn it,
Jim,
Crisco is shortening!
MORAL:
Always follow the recipe!
funny
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fillmore nyc
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A man and his wife go on safari in Africa and run across a tribe of bushmen, and they both immediately notice that all the men in the tribe have 24 inch "members". The couple are having trouble communicating with the tribesmen, but they manage to ask them what the secret to their incredible endowment is. The tribesmen convey to them that at a very young age, they tie a piece of twine around their units with a heavy rock attached, and that stretches it until it reaches the desired length.
Impressed with this information, the couple continues the safari, and eventually goes back home to the States. After they've been home a while, the wife says to her husband, "ummm, HEY... what would you think about trying that thing the tribesman do to themselves, and see if it works for you?" The husband shrugs his shoulders and says "well, ok, Ill try it if you want me to". So he gets some twine, ties it to himself with the weight attached, and does this day after day. A couple of weeks go by, and the wife asks her husband how the tribesmans "method" is working. The husband replies "well, Im about half way there". His wife exclaims "WOW... you're 12 inches long now??" Her husband replies "no, but its starting to turn black".
/ 
Impressed with this information, the couple continues the safari, and eventually goes back home to the States. After they've been home a while, the wife says to her husband, "ummm, HEY... what would you think about trying that thing the tribesman do to themselves, and see if it works for you?" The husband shrugs his shoulders and says "well, ok, Ill try it if you want me to". So he gets some twine, ties it to himself with the weight attached, and does this day after day. A couple of weeks go by, and the wife asks her husband how the tribesmans "method" is working. The husband replies "well, Im about half way there". His wife exclaims "WOW... you're 12 inches long now??" Her husband replies "no, but its starting to turn black".
/ -
NY Chief
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- Location: SoCal
Speaking of disemboweled... 
...a wife has had it with her husbands bositerous flatulence. She kept telling him that one day he would fart his bowels right out of his ass. One day while cleaning out a turkey she gets an idea. While her husband is still asleep she dumps all the turkey internals in his bed then goes back downstairs to wait for the result. Sure enough she hears a loud, blood curdling scream and then frantic footsteps and all sorts of commotion. When he finally comes downstairs with a huge look of relief on his face he tells his wife "Honey, you were right all these years. I farted out my bowels but I was quick enough and got them all back in!"
...a wife has had it with her husbands bositerous flatulence. She kept telling him that one day he would fart his bowels right out of his ass. One day while cleaning out a turkey she gets an idea. While her husband is still asleep she dumps all the turkey internals in his bed then goes back downstairs to wait for the result. Sure enough she hears a loud, blood curdling scream and then frantic footsteps and all sorts of commotion. When he finally comes downstairs with a huge look of relief on his face he tells his wife "Honey, you were right all these years. I farted out my bowels but I was quick enough and got them all back in!"
NY Chief 5-0, transplanted in SoCal
"Book 'em, Dan-o!"
"Book 'em, Dan-o!"