On a personal note...

[ScienceFriction]

I'm sorry to hear you're going up against something like this George. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I know from my own experiences in life that if you keep fighting you will succeed. I hope everything works out sooner rather than later, and you're able to move on with your life like you've been planning. I know you'll succeed.

[VelvetGeorge]

I appreciate hearing other people's experiences. I will keep fighting, even if I never get anywhere with the family court system. Chances are I will never change the bias and deadbeat Dad characterization that is the status quo. So be it, I could care less what they really think of me. But, I do have a huge issue with the system seeing the black and white evidence I provide which shows my kids neglected, abused and on the receiving end of all the destructive bullshit that comes with Borderline personality disorder, and yet doing NOTHING on their behalf. I think everyone in the system knows this condition is the hardest to diagnose and even when identified is all but impossible to treat. Every health care professional has expressed to me that I should be prepared to never see improvement on her part.

It's clear to me that the kids will grow up to be adults who love but resent their Mom. I hope they will see how hard I fought to buffer them from her shit, even though it was futile much of the time.

We are in Summer break now and parenting time is week on week off. I have them here all week and we are making the most of it. After the first day or so they become totally different kids. They listen, they play with each other, they use manners, they thrive on the structure. In 2 weeks we'll start all over again, but it's OK, I'm up for it.

george

[rgorke]

You are seeing how resilient kids really are. Just keep loving them and they will respond. Keep doing what your doing!!!

[VelvetGeorge]

Here's another aspect of this whole situation. I recently got pre-approved for a loan to buy a house. My credit score has always been in the high 700's. The bank ran my credit and claimed it was 657!!! I ran it myself and found an open collections for $392.
I found the number for the collection agency listed and called them. There was unpaid bills for a Comcast (cable and internet) account at my ex's address. In my name! After Oct 2011 when the divorce was final she was supposed to change all accounts into her name. Of course she never did, her credit is so bad that the credit union wouldn't give her a checking account, or even let me put her on my account!
I paid the $392 on the spot and called the mortgage specialist...

Instead of qualifying for their best rate of 4.375% APR on a 30 year loan, I now only qualify for 5.5%. And there's more monthly insurance costs. Extend it out over the life of the loan an it's about $60k more!!!!

Just one more thing I'm dealing with in the fallout of this unhealthy marriage.

george

[redgtr]

Ya know I hate to think it would come to this but if they ever perfect one of those robot women, the ladies would be in serious trouble. Imagine having a sexy female robot with a built in 12000 series.

[Scumback Speakers]

George, I'd wait to get a loan pre-approval until that debit is marked as paid and you have the credit agencies update it to show it was not your bill, but your ex-wife's who used your name.

There's no point in paying extra interest due to this, unless you're going to close escrow in 60 days and need the pre-approval to open escrow.

[redgtr]

Yeah you can do what used to be called a rapid rescore. Your realtor should be able to help with that.

[VelvetGeorge]

Yes, indeed guys. I had the collection agency report to the 3 major credit reporting agencies and have letters coming.

george

[charles anthony]

The system is a joke. Many men are subjected to same situation. The shame is the children suffer. Stay strong George. Nothing can replace quality time spent with the kids. They never forget and it affects them more than we sometimes think. Best regards, Charles Torrillo

[chrisom]

A year ago, I had some guy from India call me (the same week I had a new cell-phone number). He was a bill collector looking for my ex-wife. I said, "She ran off 25 years ago and never came back..." , so he agreed to take my new number off their call list. A week later (and several more calls in), I was getting pissed. Same guy's voice, same call wanting to know if I knew how to reach her. I told him, "What's in in for me? You said you'd take my new number off your list, and you didn't". I finally told him, I'll tell you what: You have your company send me a check for $100 and I'll tell you how to get ahold of her (I wasn't really going to). Silence... followed by a short insincere laugh from the Indian. He let me go and I never heard from him again.

I then realized I had let go of quite a bit of resentment toward my ex. But it had been hard to do that when we were still going through it all, and our kid was still in school. But it eventually it got easier because I was able to get it together with the ex out of my life...

[jimmyride]

Haven't been here on the forum for a while and now I discovered this... I wish you all the strength you need to overcome this crisis, George... Peace to you and your children. In the end, everything is gonna be fine, I'm sure of it.

[dan_tramble]

Things have heated up in my personal life again, with my ex. I have filed a motion in family court to take the kids away from her due to neglect and abuse. I have kept a journal of events going back to 2010 during our divorce trial. And, I document everything I can that might help my kid's in some way. Quite often I record audio or video when we exchange the kids, it seems pretty effective at keeping her behavior under control. Drastic measures, for sure, but I'm dealing with a mentally ill person.

I REFUSE to let this person with borderline personality disorder neglect and abuse my children. I will fight to my last breath to protect them from this and stabilize their lives, as I always have.

As dedicated as I am to this, it is exhausting. Emotionally, spiritually, physically draining. As things are picking up it will demand much more of my time and I may find myself prioritizing family over amp building. Regardless, I will remain dedicated to my business as I have been for over 11 years now.

Since I ended my manufacturing of Friedman and Colby amps it's has been back to just me in the shop most of the time. So things get done more slowly and my productivity is limited. I'm working to find the ideal balance of creativity and productivity. I thought one amp per week was the right ratio, but it might 3 amps per month. I'm still working it out and adjusting.
There is the financial aspect of my business as well, several people depend on me making ends meet. I won't let them down.

Please bear with me through this tough stretch I am entering with the court system, it's going to be a vicious fight.


george

Be the better parent and be there for your kids. I have gone through the same thing as you and now my 12 year old daughter comes to me and tells me all her worries. She has asked her mother for 50/50 custody! As long as you are a great dad then you'll be fine. Oh and you have to be patient and wait for it to happen. Does not happen overnight!

All the best George. Sometimes a partent support group can help you as well. It's all about understanding and dealing with things and being patient

Very sorry to hear your troubles however wait it out because the more patient you can be then the better the things will come to you

Life is not a game of perfect and life is all about recovering from your mistakes, we all make them!

Take it from one who knows

Regards

Daniel Tramble

[axeman]

This has nothing to do with George but, If you notice how you treat your (everyone) daughter makes women a certain way, and from my own experience having two daughters. You have to remind your wife how special she is, not because she is, but because she was raised that way and that's what she is used to from her "dad". Any way I've bean married for 16 years and some times my wife acts like my daughter, if you know what I mean.