$20 At Taco Bell

Marc in Memphis · Post by **Marc in Memphis** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 4:43 pm

In college I lived on Taco-Bell 7-layer Burritos and Milwaukees Best. I'm thinking it probably shaved a good 10 years off my lifespan. Oh well, those years would probably have sucked anyway. I never spent $20 at once though. That's actually pretty impressive. What the hell did you eat???

A funny story about my kid brother. He took a performance arts project in college. For his final exam he had to do an act in front of his class. For his performance he ate an entire Taco-Bell grande meal and washed it down by chugging a quart of milk. He's lactose intolerant. Yeah. Fortunately I think he threw most of the stuff up after class. But seriously though Taco Bell is really nasty. Like nasty even for fast food. The worst is the unidentified hard chunks that you get in the beans sometimes.

texwest · Post by **texwest** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 6:28 pm

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!!! Thanks for sharing. Here's another story: I went to catholic schools when I grew up and one day in sixth grade I let one rip. I was sitting on one of those metal frame desks with the wood seat. Under the wood seat was the compartment for your books. Well this was the loudest fart I have ever heard. To this day I've never heard that decibel level out of a fart. In retrospect, I speculate that the book compartment under the seat probably amplified it, just like the sound box of an acoustic guitar. Everyone in class burst out laughing. So the nun Sister Theresa had the biggest fit and looked like she was going to blow out the veins on her forehead. She walked around for about five minutes saying"Who did that?" then "I know who did that." Well she didn't, because I never got in trouble. But I definitely had bragging rights with my friends.

texwest · Post by **texwest** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 6:37 pm

Here's my other funny catholic school story that I posted last year.

"Here's a funny story:
I first heard Eddie when I was 13. I was in a catholic school. During a music appreciation type of class the teacher let people bring in records that we could share with the class. This other guy in class named Wesley (I'm also named Wes) brought VH1 in. He told her to play the first track. Of course it was Runnin with the Devil. The look of shock on the Nun's face was priceless. I'm sure she was even more horrified because the class was held in the Nun's convent.

I just remember being totally blown away and immediately went out and bought the record and listened to it every day. During that class, I definitely remember that it was the sound of his guitar that really caught me. I started playing guitar several months later. "

sub · Post by **sub** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 6:59 pm

bvmjethead wrote:but give me one McDonalds anything and I fart for hours.

f&@in true

false food

mightymike · Post by **mightymike** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 7:42 pm

One time I farted so loud that it woke my future exwife from a dead sleep, at which time she caught a whiff, ran to the bathroom, and started throwing up.

I felt so bad afterwards.

After I stopped laughing

sub · Post by **sub** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 8:10 pm

mightymike wrote:One time I farted so loud that it woke my future exwife from a dead sleep, at which time she caught a whiff, ran to the bathroom, and started throwing up.

I felt so bad afterwards.

After I stopped laughing

Very good story!

........

.............

............

Sorry bro..... i cant stop laughing

Jim SS · Post by **Jim SS** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 12:52 am

When I was in college at good ol' KU, I played football. One day after practice, our center and guard were sitting in a car in the athletic office parking lot. I farted in a 32 oz QT cup and capped my hand over the top. I walked up to the car and capped this evil brew over Brad's mouth and nose. Yea, he spewed. He kicked my ass for the next week. All in all, I'd probably do it again. Another time in the weight room, I squated my ass over his face and let one rip while he was benching about 450lbs! Probably not the wisest of ideas as he out weighed me by about 100lbs. But hey, I like picking on guys twice my size.

Flames1950 · Post by **Flames1950** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:41 am

Jim, you're a malicious SOB.

mightymike · Post by **mightymike** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 8:08 am

My meet the parents fart story:

One time a girlfriend took me to her parents house to have dinner with them. Next thing you know I notice I have a lot of gas, so I excuse myself, and go to the bathroom, let r rip,didn't stink, come back to the table, and rejoin the nice family dinner. Then I feel it start to happen again, and it was back to the bathroom. After the 3rd time to the bathroom I started to feel self consciense, about keep getting up every 2 seconds. I didn't want her parents to think there was something wrong with me. So I thought this time I would just let out a 1/4 fart at the table. Hey they didn't stink right? (I thought)

I must have had a clogged nose.

Long story short,when there was no reaction after the 1/4 fart,I thought the coast is clear. The 1/4 farts became whole farts, and after about the 10th table fart, her Dad couldn't take it anymore, gets up from the table loosening his collar with one finger as he says with a distressed look on his face, "Is the heater on?I'm going to check the heater!" The expression on his face was priceless.
She shoulda known it was me, after that romance Movie, but my girlfriend, her sister, and her mother all
blamed him!

I wasn't going to confess to after that.

That poor guy later paid for my wedding to his daughter.
What a catch I was

What can say, I got out of the people pleasing business along time ago.

Any ladies getting hot and bothered reading this will be happy to know that my wife is divorcing me, and that I'll be available in a year if she goes through with it.

Jim SS · Post by **Jim SS** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 10:55 am

Holy shit mightymike, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

Yea, Flames your just about right.

Jim, you're a malicious SOB.

I just can't understand why I find that so funny. I mean Christ, I'm an educated person. I've been to college and medical school, and yet I just can't help myself when it comes to laughing at a fart. There has to be some demented genetic fart code that I have.

Bad Kitty · Post by **Bad Kitty** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 3:23 pm

There has to be some demented genetic fart code that I have.

Yes there is. It's called being a guy

.

In the first pro band I was in we had a bass player who you couldn't fart around. He would take it as a personal challange and proceed to try and outdo you.

One particular rehearsal after a case of beer and a fifth of Southern Comfort was passed around I let a majestic one loose and the guy actually shit his pants trying to uotdo it.

Me and the drummer were laughing so hard I thought we were going to suffer internal injuries.

NitroLiq · Post by **NitroLiq** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:17 am

I remember a friend telling me once that his wife used to fart in her sleep...loudly! Sometimes she'd fart so loud, she'd wake herself up!

mightymike · Post by **mightymike** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:45 am

I allways tell women they fart in their sleep. That way they can't
get mad at me when I fart. I told my wife she was sleeping, and that I heard what sounded like of air leaking form a tire, then she rolled over, fanned the blanket at me in the process, and that it stunk. She was horrified, and I let her belive that for years, before I finally admitted that I made it up.
Telling her was a mistake., took away my farting license.
Now I'm farting without a license till the divorce.

texwest · Post by **texwest** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:27 pm

Mightymike

Are you making this stuff up? I'm laughing my ass off. This is the funniest thread ever. I'm very sorry to hear about the breakup. But I think we are all wondering at this point if the farts have something to do with it?

Wes

texwest · Post by **texwest** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 3:33 pm

At a family event, a friend of mine let one of those SBD's. There was a very young baby there, so while everyone was suffering he said "I think you need to change that baby." Blameing it on a baby. Can it get any worse than that?